Why me I wonder.

A dear friend of mine told me I needed to start journal all of my feelings about anything. I just dedicated this journal to my psychic abilities and how I am dealing with them. It is just plain simple, most of the time I think I'm going crazy. I can read past lives of people now, or at least shall I say I get impressions of them. It is starting to drive me nuts.

One thing I have realized is that you have to keep your psychic eye out of a person's business. I've found myself volunteering to read others when I feel they really need it. I have been most irritated with these abilities when I've met a man that I like. It seems there is always a dearly departed soul that wants to contact them. I cannot turn it down and I end up learning more about the guy than I care to in such a short amount of time.

More on this later, I'm going to bed. Night.

Tired of being judged.

One thing that really gets me peeved is when I try to talk to my old friends about my abilities. I tried to tell someone tonight about my spirit guides and she just was in disbelief about the whole thing. I am going to have to deal with people's intolerance toward me. I cannot help it if I have abilities, I've tried to turn them off over the years. Oh well. More tomorrow, very tired.

A littl about me.

For most of my life I've been a Christian. My beliefs were always so very deep and ran into the roots of my being. One thing that I had always fought for years was my intuition and the abilities that came natural to me. I always thought they were satanic and evil, so I hid myself under my bed. I had no idea how to develop them or even what they were. I am still debating if they exist because I am a very logical person, my thought processes are one way and that is just about it. I feel like a crazy person when I can sit down and do a reading for someone and know stuff about them that I shouldn't. It kind of freaks me out, really all the time.

When I was a young adult, my first real experience was with my distant cousin's house. I went there to visit she and her husband, which at the time seemed like a pretty good idea. While I was there they took me on a tour of their home. I was very excited about seeing where she had moved to. A good friend of mine was visiting her with me as well. When I got into the main living area of the home, I started to get a very strange hopeless feeling, it was odd because I was normally a positive person. Her living room was a huge, open airy room.

There was a large brick fireplace in the center of the wall. I found myself standing there, just staring at what I thought was a fire--there was nothing lit there. I turned around and looked at my cousin, told her that I felt very depressed, it was so overwhelming. It appeared that someone in her husband's family committed suicide in the house and that spot where I stood was where they loved to stand in life. At this point, I believe I was shaking in my proverbial boots. I sat down at a sectional sofa they had and seen the chalk outline of a man's face in the brick. On his chin, I could make out a scar. Her husband went to get a picture to show to me, it was of the man who committed suicide. He had a visible scar on his chin in the same place that I'd seen on the brick wall. All I can remember was wanting to get out of her house because of that. I think I visited her twice afterward, but I never went into that area of the house again.

I've always believed that I can sense energies of others, their emotions, and can tell what they are going to do before they do it. Being around extremely negative people wears me out because of their vampire tendencies to draw out your emotions and feed off of you. Anyway, I think this is enough about myself for the first post. I'll add more as my experiences and sill grow.