Never turning back!

I cannot turn my back on my abilities. My life has come full circle now. I accept internally that I am what I am. I cannot fight what always has been for me. I know that my family will not be able to accept me, they will thumb their noses at me. I will not step out of my shell until after I have moved into my own place.

My heart craves knowledge about what is happening to me. I was told by a very well renowned psychic that I needed to start doing readings, but I can't. I just cannot do it until I have grounded myself more and learned about my abilities. In time, I'll learn more about them.

I have done readings for about 5 or 6 people, give or take a few strangers. I can honestly say that I am sharpening them for certain!

Another late morning..

I was so drained yesterday for some reason. I have to begin limiting my abilities to be used maybe once a day. I am extremely tired and restless after giving readings to people. Half the time I wonder if giving them is even smart at this point because I have no idea what I'm doing. My spirit guides approach me with symbolism and impressions. I heard some music one night that wasn't playing in my home, had me somewhat concerned.

I live in an area where no one accepts me. I had an argument nearly with one of my friends because she did not believe that my abilities were real. I am beginning to think of them as a curse rather than a gift because it is so hard to deal with the rejection I get. I don't expect everyone to believe I have these abilities, I just expect them to respect me and my views. I am not the same person I was a year ago and I have to find a way to deal with that.. and so does everyone else!

Another fine how do ya do...

My abilities are biting me in the behind again! I was chatting with a guy this morning online. I had no idea anything about him. He tells me that he works with my ex-boyfriend and that he is going to ask him about me. He wants the skinny on me. He sent me a message that I scared him because I seemed to have all the right answers and that we had a lot in common. My abilities are leading me into a mess of trouble--if I have these abilities why don't they help me avoid this?

Why me I wonder.

A dear friend of mine told me I needed to start journal all of my feelings about anything. I just dedicated this journal to my psychic abilities and how I am dealing with them. It is just plain simple, most of the time I think I'm going crazy. I can read past lives of people now, or at least shall I say I get impressions of them. It is starting to drive me nuts.

One thing I have realized is that you have to keep your psychic eye out of a person's business. I've found myself volunteering to read others when I feel they really need it. I have been most irritated with these abilities when I've met a man that I like. It seems there is always a dearly departed soul that wants to contact them. I cannot turn it down and I end up learning more about the guy than I care to in such a short amount of time.

More on this later, I'm going to bed. Night.

Tired of being judged.

One thing that really gets me peeved is when I try to talk to my old friends about my abilities. I tried to tell someone tonight about my spirit guides and she just was in disbelief about the whole thing. I am going to have to deal with people's intolerance toward me. I cannot help it if I have abilities, I've tried to turn them off over the years. Oh well. More tomorrow, very tired.

A littl about me.

For most of my life I've been a Christian. My beliefs were always so very deep and ran into the roots of my being. One thing that I had always fought for years was my intuition and the abilities that came natural to me. I always thought they were satanic and evil, so I hid myself under my bed. I had no idea how to develop them or even what they were. I am still debating if they exist because I am a very logical person, my thought processes are one way and that is just about it. I feel like a crazy person when I can sit down and do a reading for someone and know stuff about them that I shouldn't. It kind of freaks me out, really all the time.

When I was a young adult, my first real experience was with my distant cousin's house. I went there to visit she and her husband, which at the time seemed like a pretty good idea. While I was there they took me on a tour of their home. I was very excited about seeing where she had moved to. A good friend of mine was visiting her with me as well. When I got into the main living area of the home, I started to get a very strange hopeless feeling, it was odd because I was normally a positive person. Her living room was a huge, open airy room.

There was a large brick fireplace in the center of the wall. I found myself standing there, just staring at what I thought was a fire--there was nothing lit there. I turned around and looked at my cousin, told her that I felt very depressed, it was so overwhelming. It appeared that someone in her husband's family committed suicide in the house and that spot where I stood was where they loved to stand in life. At this point, I believe I was shaking in my proverbial boots. I sat down at a sectional sofa they had and seen the chalk outline of a man's face in the brick. On his chin, I could make out a scar. Her husband went to get a picture to show to me, it was of the man who committed suicide. He had a visible scar on his chin in the same place that I'd seen on the brick wall. All I can remember was wanting to get out of her house because of that. I think I visited her twice afterward, but I never went into that area of the house again.

I've always believed that I can sense energies of others, their emotions, and can tell what they are going to do before they do it. Being around extremely negative people wears me out because of their vampire tendencies to draw out your emotions and feed off of you. Anyway, I think this is enough about myself for the first post. I'll add more as my experiences and sill grow.